Building trusting and consistent relationships with students
When I started my second year of service with 鶹Ƶ Milwaukee, I knew that building relationships with students was going to be different.
As a Second-Year AmeriCorps member,had the privilege to work with two seventh grade classrooms, two eight grade classrooms and a couple of six graders. Intotal, I worked with over 90studentsa day.This was a big change from my first year of service, when I worked with one thirdgrade classroom, andmeant thatbuilding relationships with students wasgoing to bemore challenging this year.
Even though it was difficult, I made sure to build positive relationships with the students I worked with.
Learn more about serving with 鶹Ƶ for an additional year.
Listening to my students helped me build strong relationships.
My first classroom of the daythis yearwas my seventh grade homeroom. This classroom has a very special place in my heart. Since day one,I have witnessed the academic and social-emotional learningofeachstudent.
Two of my students,Sebastion*and Giovanni*,were always known as the boys who did not like doing their work and just slept all morning. When I noticed their habits, I started to brainstorm ideas on how I could keep them engagedin class.
Here are three tips on how to forge positive relationships with the students you serve.
Once Istarted togain their respect and trust, I started sitting next to themduring class. I noticed that the more I sat next to these two, not only wouldtheydo their work, but they started asking me questions about the stories we would read.The reason why I gotthroughto them quickly,is because I listened, I asked and I understood. Ever sincethen,we grew a bond thatcouldn’t be broken.
Once I built relationships with my students, and learned more about their interests, I was able to help them learn.
Now for my girls, thePowerpuffGirls,Nia*,Sussy*, and Cassie*.
These three girls are thesweetest,but sassiest,girls I have ever encountered. Building relationshipswith them was really tough at first.
They did not like me because they thought I was mean and strict. I just needed to break intotheir circle, and get to know them better. I discovered these girls lovedRamenNoodlesso much, soI decided to bring them down for lunch one day and got to know them on a personal level. They started to trust me more andbeganfeeling more comfortable with me. They started telling me about their academic struggles and why math was really hard for them.
Aftergetting to know them better,I took it upon myself totutorthem individually every day. Working every day with them improved their test scores by 30%. They went fromhaving55% on their assessments togetting85%.
I honestly cried because every day was a battle with them. To giving up, walking away from me, telling me to leave and never speak to them, to “thank you so much for your patience.” Not only did Iteachthem mathskills,butI taught themto always trust the process.
The relationships I built with my students, helped me learn the individualized support they needed, in order to succeed in the classroom.
Now,my biggest struggle of the yearwas working withmy eighth-grade girls. I cannot tell you how many times I felt unwanted, unappreciated and mostly frustrated every day.
Every day was challenging, but I soon learned thatthey only acted outin classbecause they couldn’t understandmathconceptsand thought math was pointless.I worked with my partner teacher, andI kept on assigningthemdifferent seats and moving them aroundthe classroom, but the problem was not going awaywhen their seats were moved.
Oneday, I sat down with them andasked them what I neededto do so they could understand the conceptsand feelheard in the classroom. One of them responded, “I don’t like sitting alone because it gives me anxiety.” Another one responded,”Can you sit with us and explain the concept step by step?”.
Anotherthing I noticedwasthey were infatuated with my colorful markers and pens. So,one afternoon, I asked for all four of them to go to the back of the classroom and sit with me. I asked them to each grab a colorful marker and pen.
We started going over the concept of y=mx+b. We were graphing and trying to find the equation for the problem. I broke it down ineightsteps. In each step, I always asked the why behind everything, and if they did not understand why,we would startthe problemall over. We did this for the entire week until one Monday morning, my students started to explain the concept to the entire class.
Again, I bawledmy eyes out, not only because they understood and were explaining the concept, but they went up there with so much confidence. I knew they had it in themall along.I just needed to bring out the pens.
Why trust matters when connecting with young people.
Building powerful relationshipswith my studentswas very important to me because, without trust, you cannot move forward. This was my investment every day.
Since I had over 90 students, it was my goal to connect withat leastone student from each classroom, every day.
I wanted to learn everything about them,good and bad. I taught my students the value of truth and honesty.
鶹Ƶ AmeriCorps members help to strengthen relational trust in the schoolhouse, making learning environments more welcoming for everyone–students and the adults who work with them. You can learn more in this 2023 white paper, Building networks of relational trust.
The reason why this was so important for meisbecause as a human,it is always important to reflect on your growthespeciallyon your down days, and to always be true and honest with yourself.It’s also important to always admit when you are wrong and to always acknowledge your choices.
I couldn’t be any more proud of the growth my students have done this academic school year. I miss them so much but I know they are going to do wonderful things in high school and in eighth grade.
*Nameschangedto protect privacy of students
This essay was first written in 2020 and has been updated.
Want to read more about the powerful impact of relationship building? Check-out 鶹Ƶ Milwaukee AmeriCorps member, Julia’s, story of believing in the power of young people.
About the author:FernieTorres proudly served as a Second Year AmeriCorps member on the Julia A. Uihlein team at Alexander MitchellIntegratedArtsschooland is a proud alumofBay View High School. When asked why she serves,Ferniesaid, “People tend to look down at the students with low gradesand challenging backgrounds,but what they don’t see is the knowledge behind their eyes. I am here to give a voice to our students. I believe everyone deserves an education and the benefit of the doubt, and that their history does not define who they are now.That is why I serve.”
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